Can you relate to letting IRL bullies get in the way of your online blogging dreams? (Story Time)

Hey everyone! And welcome to Claire Cre8tes, I’m Claire of and I help busy creatives stay inspired, motivated and organized! Check out the video version for more detail of how I let a jerk at my day job ruin my blogging dreams as a hobbyist YouTuber!

So I decided to make this week’s episode a “Story Time” because truth be told I don’t have the answers to “getting over” having low self esteem as I’ve had low self esteem primarily all my life. Since at least fifth grade. I have been to some therapists about it and regular doctor’s and nothing has really helped. Guided meditations on YouTube has helped me at least relax in the moment and get some sleep.

But as far as being confident, being myself and sharing my gift with the world … well, that’s never really been my strong suit. And I consider myself a “failed” blogger sometimes, not just to be hard on myself for no reason but because they say the only way you can truly fail is by not trying at all. And truth be told, I have had vlog ideas every single week since 2014. But my anxiety and lack of confidence got in the way of doing what I love: blogging and sharing inspiration with others.

But the reason I made this post isn’t just to shout out into the void my problems, but rather, share with you my story in hopes of a cautionary tale that if you hear this story and feeling something similar, and are younger than me at age 37; you won’t wait 8 years to start living your true dream of becoming a blogger, writer, or whatever your creative journey is your desire.

Though this post won’t be a waste of your time. Because not only will you possibly find someone you can relate to and a like-minded community, but perhaps by sharing my regret you won’t follow in my footsteps. That is what I truly wish for you, is to not fall in the same trap as I did and wait for the ideal conditions or the right mindset or wait for things to get better … and just freaking start! It’s not easy to “just do it” but that is the only secret you need to know. Start with what you have, where you are and don’t be afraid to be yourself. I learned that lesson later in life, and I hope by sharing my message, I can help inspire the next gen not to wait.

So let me ask you this, what limiting beliefs has people IRL told you, that made you put the breaks on your online goals? Maybe it’s a blog, maybe it’s a side hustle, maybe you’ve wanted to dabble as an NFT artist … whatever your goal, has something in real life stopped you from just going for i?

My blogging journey started way back in 2012. I often wonder, or rather, I often torture myself thinking of what could have been if I had just kept up with it. Even just once a week my blog probably could have done pretty well. It was called Life, Muse and Coffee back the day and it had a nice little community following it. I would usually post about musings being a writer, being inspired and venting about issues I was facing in general. I even had interviews with guest authors I met on Twitter! It was a fun time.

Part of the reason that blog ended (I really need to stop using the word “fail” so often as it doesn’t help the self esteem) is because of a technical mistake I made. It really was a terrible mistake indeed!

I was trying to be clever and was finding out more about WordPress, where my blog was hosted (still is!). And I made the mistake of going down the rabbit hole of versus I was on but felt more fancy with some extra plugin options. I wanted the fancy. So I made the switch. And I lost everything!!! It was a mess getting it back. And after much tears and heartache, luckily the original site was able to be back up. Sort of. I lost a lot of my community and it just didn’t feel the same. Maybe because my heart was so devastated when I realized it was gone that I couldn’t really be bothered with the site anymore. My passion had run dry. So I stopped blogging for a couple of years, but I never stopped having ideas for posts. I just didn’t have a desire to post anymore.

But in 2015 that changed when I ventured into the prospects of being a YouTuber. I was doing research for what readers wanted in their stories, especially sci-fi since that’s what my novel is; but that ended up being a mistake too (another post for another day! But in short, I let my story be manipulated by what I thought readers wanted instead of writing the story I really wanted to tell). Anyway, that inspired my own YouTube channel. I saw how some authors were getting a good sized platform by having one and I wanted in. So I created Claire’s Coffee Time. And you know what? That channel did pretty well! Sadly, I let IRL get in the way.

When a couple of office managers at my day job I had back then found out about my novel and my YouTube channel, I panicked. I don’t know why I was so bothered that they found out. I was a hard worker, and I never said online where I worked with; so impacting the company’s image wasn’t even a factor. But I panicked and I pulled the club. In a distraught panic attack I hit the button no YouTuber should ever hit: delete channel.

Well it wasn’t long, like a couple of month’s later, that I missed my YouTube channel, and started another one called Plan, Read Geek. It was all right but never as good as Claire’s Coffee Time. I let my insecurities get in the way, and never did manage to get confident in front of the camera. Truth be told I still struggle with that.

And so that was short lived until about 2018-ish. Then I just let mental health issues like depression and anxiety get in the way basically since 2018. Now in 2022 I’m ready to give it a go again and be consistent. Because I’ve always dreamed of having a nice author platform via my blog and YouTube and I love YouTube because the community is usually so supportive and positive. I kind of messed around with TikTok a little bit but I haven’t really gotten the hang of short content yet. And that’s why I love YouTube. It’s about quality and consistency and not just posting whatever up. But who knows, I’m not an expert at YouTube yet, just a big enthusiast!

So I’m going back to my roots and blogging in the style that was Life, Muse Coffee but with a little more structure. Instead of posting completely random musings, I will have themed days of the week. Monday’s are Behind the Muse to get other creatives inspired, Wednesday’s will be Time Management Tips Wednesday’s which will help busy creatives manage their time so they can make room for what they love; and Friday’s will be Plan With Me because I’ve had an obsession with the Happy Planner system since 2014 and that also is a wonderful community to be apart of.

So today we covered kind of my origin story of blogging if you well. And I’m going to be the first to tell you: blog on your own style. Don’t be so concerned what everyone else is doing, tell the story YOU want to tell. And don’t let people in real life get you down about what you’re doing online. They don’t understand the creative journey of being a blogger or a YouTuber. I wish I didn’t delete my channel that was Claire’s Coffee Time and instead took a break. I wish I realized back then that those people offline who tease you for going after something, are probably just sad that they don’t have the courage to even try to do it. I don’t know about that, I’m not a therapist, but that would be my guess. They don’t have your best interest at least, if they tease you for trying something different. So one shouldn’t care what they think. But not listening to bullies is easier said than done, and that’s something I’m still working on.

Well that’s it for this week’s episode of Behind the Muse Monday’s! I hope you guys enjoyed this tale of what not to do and to be yourself. And I hope you consider hitting that subscribe button to join our Cre8tive Club! Because it’s time for me to stop overthinking about Blogging so much and just let my passion shine! Join me, won’t you? And say hi in the comments! Would love to hear what you think!